May 30, 2017

Family Style Book Review of The Compassionate Achiever (by Sandra Bourland)

Book Review of The Compassionate Achiever
by Sandra Bourland

“Compassion grows when we talk less and listen more.”

Talk about a wake up call.  When I began reading the book I was worried that I wouldn’t find it interesting.  I’ll be honest, I’m not much of a fan of non fiction books, self help etc.  I find them boring, I find the material dry and I lose interest pretty fast.

But that one sentence above stopped me dead in my tracks.  Funny enough I was watching an episode of Dr Phil where he told one of his guests, that if you immediately reply to someone, or cut them off while they’re speaking, then you weren’t listening at all, you weren’t even trying to understand what they were saying because you were too busy formulating a response to them.

GUILTY!!!!

Not of doing it all the time, but there have certainly been many instances where I acted this exact way.

The Compassionate Achiever goes right to the core of the issue, it provides practical ways in which we can learn to be compassionate even when we’re not in a compassionate state of mind.  The author calls it “taking a WIRL (walk, imagine, read and listen).”   Boy did that smack me right in the face.

I couldn’t put the book down because I realized that I learned so much about the way I interact with family and friends, what I’m doing right, what I’m doing wrong, and what I can learn to do better.  Life would be so much easier if we all became more compassionate towards others, and to do that we have to reach inside ourselves and start with US.

What a wonderful concept.  I can’t wait to implement some of these ideas into my own life and see how it changes everything around me 🙂

Original review can be found at the Diary of a Stay at Home Mom.

May 27, 2017

The Battleship of Compassion: A Memorial Day Tribute to the U.S.S. Missouri

The Battleship of Compassion: Remembering the U.S.S. Missouri & American Strength

What would you do if you found the body of the failed suicide bomber who tried to kill you and your coworkers? Would you treat the remains with respect and compassion or with revulsion and contempt? Such questions were not hypothetical for the World War II crew of the U.S.S. Missouri and their battle-tested answers have almost been forgotten.
The kamikaze who crashed into compassion.
During the Battle of Okinawa on April 11, 1945 the war literally crashed onto the Missouri’s deck in the form of a kamikaze piloted plane. Although the pilot successfully hit his target (only 11-14% of kamikaze pilots did during WWII), the 500-pound bomb his plane was carrying fell into the water just before his suicidal crash. With nearly 400 American ships being hit by kamikaze attacks during the war, the Missouri’s experience wasn’t too unique or unusual.

What made the experience historically special were the crew’s actions, under the leadership of Captain William Callaghan, after finding the body of the Japanese pilot as they were cleaning up the wreckage off their main deck: they gave him a full honor guard burial at sea. Not only did the ship’s doctors stitch and cleanup the body but several crew members stayed up all night sewing a Japanese flag so that he would be shrouded properly. On the morning of April 12, 1965, a 6-man burial detail carried the flag-draped pilot’s body to the rail near where he crashed his plane, a Marine honor guard fired a three-rifle volley salute over him, “Taps” was played by a lone bugler, and as his body was “commended to the deep” the crew stood at attention and hand-saluted him one last time. War brings out the worst in humanity but Captain Callaghan and the crew of the Missouri showed that even in the worst of times compassion and respect are signs of strength and honor.

Dead men walking to peace. The Missouri, also known as “Mighty Mo,” was destined for compassion at the end of the war as well. The surrender of Imperial Japan occurred on the Missouri when their country’s representatives signed the Instrument of Surrender, which finally brought peace between the two nations on September 2, 1945. A unique twist of compassion regarding the ceremony was that the Japanese dignitaries thought that they were never coming back alive from the Missouri and participated in their own funerals with their families just days before: since Imperial Japan instigated the war with America by attacking Pearl Harbor, the Japanese delegates thought that they would be executed for the transgressions of their country. But when General Douglas MacArthur said the following words during his speech, they knew they would see their families again:

“Nor is it for us here to meet, representing as we do a majority of the people of the earth, in a spirit of distrust, malice or hatred. But rather it is for us, both victors and vanquished, to rise to that higher dignity which alone befits the sacred purposes we are about to serve…It is my earnest hope and indeed the hope of all mankind that from this solemn occasion a better world shall emerge out of the blood and carnage of the past—a world founded upon faith and understanding—a world dedicated to the dignity of man…”

Where the Japanese believed there would be revenge, the Mighty Mo once again became the stage of American compassion.

We are often told that some of the main lessons of war are that man’s brutality knows no limits and humanity’s drive for self-preservation is our strongest motivation, but there are other—and arguably more important—lessons to learn such as compassion and brotherhood that should never be forgotten. The men of the U.S.S. Missouri were not only destined for but also captained by compassion during World War II. The Missouri’s compassion goes against the idea that you can only have empathy for the people of your own family, tribe or country. Her sailors were American heroes whose compassion took them to new levels of patriotism…they became patriots of humanity. On this Memorial Day, let’s remember the warriors who made compassion a sign and symbol of strength. For a hero is not only made by the life they may have sacrificed but by the life they chose to lead.

Posted in: Acting, Compassion, Courage
May 25, 2017

When Compassion Gets Lost in Translation…America Weakens

When Compassion Gets Lost in Translation…
America Weakens

Every society has certain books that help define—in broad terms—their cultural identity. Some include holy books such as “The Koran” and/or epic stories such as “The Odyssey” and American society is no different. The United States has a holy book (“The Bible”), a secular book (“On the Origin of Species”), and a founding document (“The Constitution”) that altogether help define American culture. One problem (other than the fact that some will inevitably disagree with my book/document choices) is that we misread important sections of each work in ways that demean others thereby weakening ourselves.

The Good Book—The standard way of reading the biblical story of Adam and Eve, and the way I was taught in Sunday school, has been that Eve was subservient to Adam because she was made from one of his ribs (the “Second Story of Creation” in Genesis 2:21-23). This gets translated into a large segment of American society believing that men are ‘first and foremost’ relative to women not only in the eyes of God but also in the daily lives that we lead. This erroneous translation has had negative practical effects (i.e., women get paid only 80 cents for every dollar earned by men) and horrific consequences: one study calculated that the number of women killed by a male partner between 2001 and 2012 was “nearly double” the number of American soldiers lost during the same time period in both Afghanistan and Iraq. It’s a misreading of “The Good Book” because it emphasizes the “Second Story” over the “First Story of Creation” where it shows that Adam and Eve were created simultaneously on equal ground (Genesis 1:26-28). “The Bible,” like many holy books, is filled with contradictory stories but shouldn’t we emphasize the stories that promote respect and compassion for one another instead of those that appear to highlight the judging and subservience of others?

The Survival Guide—In the late 19th Century there was, as Randall Fuller spotlights in the title of his new manuscript, a “Book that Changed America.” It was Charles Darwin’s “On the Origin of Species.” By the early 20th Century, according to Fuller, “Darwinian theory had become an indisputable aspect of American cultural life…it provided an ordering principle for a society that seemed to grow more complex each year.” We translate Darwin’s hypothesis into American society by emphasizing self-interest over all else and by following euphemisms such as “if you want to be number one, you have to look out for number one.” The irony is that Darwin did not only NOT coin the term “survival of the fittest” but he argued against the idea in research he later conducted to try and prove his thoughts in “Origin.” Darwin would later write in “The Descent of Man” that “it hardly seems probable that the number of men gifted with such virtues as bravery and sympathy…could be increased through natural selection, that is, by survival of the fittest…I perhaps attributed too much to the action of natural selection or the survival of the fittest.” He actually wrote in support of a “survival of the kindest” theory: “Those communities which included the greatest number of the most sympathetic members would flourish best and rear the greatest number of offspring.” Shouldn’t we read what Darwin actually discovered in his research and not simply what he hypothesized about? We have misread Darwin’s initial hypothesis as an answer for how to “order society” that he, himself, did not agree with when he concluded his research. A consequence of such misreading is that we are building a society on the misguided notion that you can be either successful OR someone who helps others…and American children are learning this all too well. A 2014 Harvard Graduate School of Education study of 10,000 middle- and high-school students found that “almost 80 percent” said that their parents and teachers taught them that their personal “high achievement or happiness” were more important than “caring for others.” Do we really want to construct and live in a society of self-absorbed achievers?

The Founding Document—President Trump has consistently made the argument that children born in the United States to undocumented immigrant parents are not American citizens. There is a ‘slight’ problem with the President’s reading of “The Constitution” and that would be the 14th Amendment, which says: “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the state wherein they reside.” One consequence of interpreting or ignoring the 14th Amendment is that it betrays who we are as a country: a country of immigrants and a beacon of compassion and hope for the “tired, poor, and huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” The Prime Minister of Ireland, Mr. Enda Kenny, said it best this past Saint Patrick’s day with President Trump at his side: “Saint Patrick was an immigrant, patron saint of Ireland and for many people around the globe he’s also a symbol of, indeed the patron of, immigrants…Ireland came to America because…we believed in the shelter of America, in the compassion of America, in the opportunity of America.” To misread the words of the 14th Amendment so that it divides naturally born Americans not only weakens our country but also demeans its legacy and the people who built it.

When we disrespect others because we misread the books that we believe define who we think we are as a people, we are at least ten to twelve chapters deep into our own “Paradise Lost.” If we misread and do not take the time to carefully reflect upon the great books and documents that we use to “order society,” our policy choices will seemingly appear to be always stuck between Scylla and Charybdis. America has successfully navigated its way through history, as Mr. Kenny reminded us, by following its own beacon of hope and compassion. It’s time that we not only follow that beacon again but also use its light to reread the blueprints of how and why our ship was built.

NOTE: This article originally appeared in Thrive Global.

May 8, 2017

Compassionate Achiever Book Review by Jen Forbus

Book Review :: The Compassionate Achiever

by Jen Forbus

have to apologize. I was supposed to get this review posted last week and was on track to do just that, then everything got overwhelming. So, a little late, but hopefully still doing it the justice it deserves, I present to you The Compassionate Achiever: How Helping Others Fuels Success by Christopher L. Kukk.

First line: “My wife, Elly, and I were on an elevated train traveling home after spending the day in Boston, when a loud blast fractured the silence of the car.”

The Compassionate AchieverUsing a slew of science combined with a hearty dose of anecdotes and topped with a smidgen of analytical thinking, Dr. Christopher Kukk illustrates how the old adage, “look out for number one” is not really the secret to success. Instead, individuals need to be compassionate achievers if they hope to sustain meaningful success. By practicing compassion people will see more constructive relationships, improved intelligence, and increased resiliency.

Kukk makes it a point to emphasize that when he talks about practicing compassion, “recognizing a problem or caring about another’s pain and making a commitment to help, he isn’t saying they should become door mats. It’s possible to have compassion without sacrificing yourself in the process.

Kukk has devised a four-step process to cultivate the compassion he defines and illustrates in part one of the book. Part two breaks down the four steps: Listen to Learn, Understand to Know, Connect to Capabilities and Act to Solve. And the final section of the book highlights the ripple effect of one’s work from Part 2.

Kukk’s obvious passion for his compassion plan is contagious. It’s motivating and hopeful. His positive presentation of the content will invigorate readers to give it a try in their own lives and be more cognizant of the behaviors that hinder it. He explains that “Compassion, like love, is a positive-sum game: by giving more, you get more. Your compassion reserves can never be depleted within you.” And Kukk offers ideas for how his audience can work on the skills necessary to master the steps of compassion.

The analogies and simple daily behaviors that Kukk offers makes becoming a compassionate achiever seem attainable for anyone if they open themselves up to the concept. The rewards are plentiful both intrinsically and extrinsically. It’s had a powerful effect on me, and I feel as though our current political climate and it’s trickle-down effect make this the perfect time for people to be picking up The Compassionate Achiever.  It really should be required reading for everyone.

Goodreads - Brown Dog Solutions

My review today of The Compassionate Achiever is part of the TLC blog tour. You can discover what other bloggers are saying about it by checking out the complete tour schedule here.

Original review can be found here: Brown Dog Solutions

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