Algorithms shape our lives in multiple ways every day from what we can buy at the grocery store to where and when we can travel on an airplane. They’re used to manage everything from determining stock sales and purchases to matching organ donors and recipients and they have all ‘sorts’ of names: bubble sort, bucket sort, and mergesort. They are mathematical equations used by machines to help people solve problems and bring a semblance of order to our everyday lives.
The programs, formulas, and sets of steps we—humans—sometimes try to follow to better ourselves and our relationships are also considered algorithms. Many of us look for steps, for example, that we can take to become physically stronger and/or intellectually sharper whether it’s following a specific diet or learning technique. We look to such programs to help us solve personal problems but they have a major weakness: they are almost exclusively focused inward. It’s a weakness because many sources of our personal problems also involve interpersonal relationships or, in other words, outward dynamics. To be human, after all, is relational…a person is defined by the interactions of both our inner and outer worlds.
We are shaped by not only our personal thoughts and beliefs but also our interpersonal experiences and actions. Our inner and outer beings are the co-authors of the music and rhythms that our lives dance to. Whether we find ourselves in a place surrounded with love or surrounded without love makes a difference in how we live our lives. Aren’t you more likely to have confidence moving forward through life if you felt “surrounded” in a protective, caring sense as compared to feeling that you are “surrounded” by nothing but lonely emptiness? All ideas and programs used to help us succeed in any aspect of life should be based on creating and maintaining an inner-outer balance.
We are born with a natural algorithm for succeeding in life, according to Jean Jacques Rousseau and Charles Darwin, that many of us unlearn as we interact in society: compassion. Darwin even called compassion “the almost ever-present instinct.” We unlearn it because society teaches that it is not important and even a sign of weakness. Think of what children learn in playground games such as “king of the hill” and “kill the carrier” (I won’t even get into video games). Do we really believe, as a society, that a rewarding life is based on the idea of attaining personal achievements at the expense of others? Practicing compassion helps to strengthen both our inner-personal and interpersonal lives and it can be relearned by following the algorithm of compassion: LUCA=listen+understand+connect+act.
Listen to learn. Listening to learn involves noticing the spoken as well as unspoken signs of communication. It’s about having focused attention, a willingness to explore a problem with another through questions, and the patience to find meaning in silence. It’s when your ears, eyes, and mind converge in devotion to hearing someone talk. When you listen to learn from someone instead of listening to reply to them, you open yourself to understanding rather than arguing.
Understand to know. Understanding to know is about trying to complete a 360 degrees search for comprehension. It’s focused on acquiring a holistic understanding of a person (i.e., their beliefs, feelings, mindset) and their problem so that you can provide options for how to help. Your goal is to strengthen your comprehension of a situation by turning facts into concepts and perspectives into awareness so that you generate multiple solutions to any one problem. It’s about connecting various types of information you’ve learned into a coherent whole…think of it as turning bits and pieces of information into a mosaic of understanding. Being able to make and identify connections between facts (turning factual knowledge into conceptual knowledge) enables you to assess the resources or capabilities you will need to effectively address a problem or challenge.
Connect to capabilities. Once you understand how to help, you need to be able to find resources that can help. Sometimes it’s you that is the resource but in other instances help is somewhere and someone else. You increase your potential to connect to capabilities the more you are open to: shifting your opinion or perspective about a problem and person, looking for resources hidden in plain sight, and diversifying your social networks. Connecting to capabilities generates options for effective action.
Act to solve. Acting to solve includes both action and inaction. Helping someone requires that you find ways to overcome the fear or reluctance to act. It involves developing a hybrid sense of responsibility and resilience as well as an understanding that inaction—however paradoxical it may seem—is sometimes the best course to follow in solving a problem. Think of the doctor who prescribes rest over pills or treatment in some cases. Taking action (both in doing and purposeful nondoing) is what differentiates compassion from other values such as empathy and sympathy.
Compassion is defined as a holistic understanding of a problem or the suffering of another with a commitment to act to solve the problem or alleviate the suffering. When we live a compassionate life, the lives buzzing around and within us start to sync because we are helping ourselves as we are helping others. Following LUCA provides a way to simultaneously plug into our inner and outer worlds so that they are not only in sync but also in harmony.
Chris is Professor of Political Science at Western Connecticut State University, a Fulbright Scholar, Director of the Kathwari Honors Program, and founding Director of the Center for Compassion, Creativity & Innovation. He is also the author of "The Compassionate Achiever: How Helping Others Fuels Success" (HarperOne, 2017).
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Claudia Larsson
April 25, 2017
This makes sense! I’m a great believer that what you ‘put in’ then ‘moves out’ towards others. Compassion for ourselves, our foibles, our dark side is necessary for us to then see others thru that light. thank you : ))))
Guido Brandt Corstius
April 27, 2017
I think an algorithm or the right order of operations is not helping much.
We find more in Conceptual Blending. A triangle with Awareness on top and Ability and Stayingpowerin the down corners provides a surface. Where we stand on this surface defines us. It is dynamic, it will differ in Time, Place and Group (#TPG)
So Compassion = [ Aw + Ab +St ] #TPG